This place.
The very first time I visited China, I went to Shanghai and stayed with Ryan. And Ryan told me that I should go to Hangzhou and stay with his friend Ian. So I did.
Ian helped me fall in love with China. He took me on a hike the afternoon I arrived, took me to eat at his favorite restaurant and stayed up watching movies with me. He took me to yoga, drove me around the West Lake on the back of his scooter at sunset. Made me coffee in the morning. He let me borrow his bike, showed me where he kept the hide-a-key and always opened his home to me.
And 2 days ago, Ian passed away.
The last time I REALLY spend time with Ian was 2 years ago, just after my first date with Brian. And I remember because that’s what we were talking about. He had just met Sandra and I had just met Brian and he was telling me that I should give love a chance, that if he was even just a “maybe” I should give it a chance. And I although I would have anyway, hearing it from Ian cemented that in my mind.
Although I can’t say that Ian was a close friend of mine, he was a dear friend and I miss him. I miss a world that had him in it. I miss having a friend in Hangzhou.
And in his wake, I feel silly that I’m even worrying over Brian, silly that I let our issues get big and our love get smaller. Silly that I wasn’t able to see through our differences and our hurt and our pain to the things that matter: to love and understanding.
I feel silly that I couldn’t get to the place where Ian always was. The place where love is enough.
